How To Take Back Your Power After A Breakup

Breakup / By
breakup

Breaking up is never easy.

It can be a long, drawn-out process in which you vacillate between feeling hopeless and hopeful as your emotions oscillate.

You might feel like you’re going through the motions without really understanding what’s happening or why.

Breaking up with someone who doesn’t want to break up with you?

That sounds even worse! But it happens too often for people to just give up on love all together.

So how do we find our way out of this emotional wilderness?

We start by taking back our power from the other person, and then we take care of ourselves

We can make healthier choices about who we are and what kind of relationships we want next time around.

Here are some practical suggestions for how to do just that

Table of Contents

1. Don’t be the first one to call, text, or initiate contact.

The first thing you can do is stop responding.

If the person wants your attention that badly, they should be willing to take the initiative and at least start by being the one who initiates contact.

This is important, because responding to someone who’s unwilling to take responsibility for a breakup puts you back in an enmeshed, co-dependent relationship and that’s exactly the kind of “relation-ship”

We don’t want right now.

2. Keep your distance and don’t make any plans with him/her.

You can start by creating distance.

Planning out time to see other people will show the person that they’ve moved on while they still want you, and it will give you an opportunity to get yourself back together.

Distance will also help with the temptation to text or call more often than necessary

(or at all!).

Planning a little time away from one another will give both of you the space and opportunity to heal.

3. Be confident in yourself and tell others what you want them to know about the breakup.

You don’t know how to tell your friends and family that you’ve broken up with someone.

You feel like they might not understand or judge you for the breakup.

Here are some tips on how to be confident in yourself and tell others what you want them to know about the breakup.

1) Start by telling people close to you.

Such as a friend or family member who knows both of you well.

They can help give support, but also keep things private if necessary

(e.g., from mutual acquaintances).

2) Be prepared for different reactions.

Some may be supportive, while others may not understand why it happened at all!

That’s okay.

Try not to take it personally when someone else doesn’t understand.

3) If you’re comfortable with it, you can even tell the person who is no longer part of your life why you broke up.

This will show him/her that you’re confident in the decision and that they really weren’t that important to you.

(But again, if this isn’t something you feel comfortable with, don’t do it!)

But be prepared for some awkward moments or even a fight if they’re not ready to accept the breakup.

4) You can also just say “we broke up” and decide that you’ll keep the details private.

5) Remember that you are all-powerful! If you want to give someone the details, you can.

If you don’t want to say anything at all, then don’t! You’re in control of what happens next.

4. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling without guilt or shame.

It can be difficult to sit with our negative emotions – and that’s something we often try to avoid.

When a relationship ends, we often start to feel shame and guilt about not having worked hard enough or fast enough, but we can end up feeling worse than when the breakup first happened.

But we don’t have to! Even if you did feel like you tried hard enough, there are plenty of other reasons for ending a relationship (e.g., they hurt you, you didn’t respect yourself in the relationship, and so on).

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling, without guilt or shame.

1) Start from a place of compassion and understanding.

We humans are not perfect! It’s okay to feel lousy about hurting someone, but that doesn’t mean you should let guilt or shame take over.

2) Take care of your needs.

You could be in shock or feeling regret, but don’t wait for many days to go by before taking care of the basics – getting sleep, eating well, drinking lots of water and socializing with friends.

3) Remind yourself that the person is not doing this to you- it’s your choice, so don’t blame either one of you.

4) Break up with them the right way.

It might seem like a “no-brainer,” but you have to break up with the person face-to-face. Think about it: if your heart is breaking now because of this breakup, how would it feel to learn that they broke up with you because they met someone else?

5) Be honest (but not mean).

You don’t have to give an explanation for the breakup, but it’s important that you don’t lie or make up excuses.

5. Spend time doing things that are good for YOU – not just what’s good for someone else!

It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing things for someone else that we don’t really want to do. It can be tough to say no, but it’s important, and other people often respect you for it.

A great way to stop feeling resentful is to not agree to commitments that are irrelevant or would detract from your mental health. For example, if your partner asks you to live with them in order to save money on rent, but you don’t want this (or don’t want kids), say no! If they ask why, be honest and tell them you need space to heal after the break up in order time can heal the wounds.

Some ways to spend time doing things that are good for you

1) Spend time relaxing and reading a book that you enjoy.

2) Watch TV.

3) Spend some time getting together with your friends.

4) Go on an errand run for someone else, since you’ll be running around anyways!

5) Go to the gym.

6) Be selfish and spend time doing something you want, whether that’s cleaning your apartment or going out for a manicure.

7) Do a DIY project like painting a room!

8 ) Go see your favorite band, take a trip to somewhere beautiful (or even go to the grocery store!).

6. Remember that this is temporary – it won’t always feel this way!

No matter what happened, it’s important to remember that this is temporary.

It just might not feel that way! And we can’t control how we feel – but we can decide what actions are going to make us feel better in the long run.

However, it isn’t always easy to accept that. When you’re in pain it’s much easier to focus on the hurt than it is to look forward. And that can be dangerous!

It can also be helpful to know that research shows a variety of physical and psychological benefits when you truly accept what happened, even if it doesn’t feel true yet.

Conclusion

Breakups are difficult, but they don’t have to make you feel powerless.

If you follow these six steps and take back your power after a breakup, it’ll be much easier for you! Don’t forget that this too shall pass eventually

The pain will recede and there may even come a time when you find yourself feeling happy again.

Try not to dwell on how bad things are now; think about what could happen in the future instead of focusing on all of the negative emotions right now.

You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else does!